Go
by Orange Smoke
Summary: Relena writes goodbye to Heero. Not original but something i myself have never done so I'm good with it. It's really not even remotely good so only read it if your in a forgiving mood.


Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me. Apparently neither does the address Badboy@a$$a$$is.com. Heh, heh . . . I was writing this online and the computer asked me if I wanted to email this person. So I did. Haven't gotten a reply yet . . . Wonder if I will . . .  
  
AN:   
Orange Smoke: Whew! It's been, . . . what . . . over a year now since I've written? Wow . . .  
  
Kangaroo: I've been found  
  
OS: No one cares.  
  
K: I do . . .  
  
OS: Anyway, don't come in expecting much. I wrote this one fell swoop on the bus ride home from the Maryland State FEST. It's the theater fest. Drama people understand. So anyway, I was on the way home and expecting snow, which we got, and I wrote this. It was the biggest snowfall ever. EVER! Scary. I think I'm depressed . . .  
  
K: Don't let her fool you, she's actually obsessive compulsive. AND slightly schitzo.  
  
OS: So as long as your not expecting a remotely decent fic, here's my letter from Relena to Heero. Her LAST letter to Heero. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
K: *sigh* I try to keep her contained. Really, I do.  
  
OS: QUIET, YOU!  
  
K: *cowers*  
  
OS: On with the fic!  
From: Relena Peacecraft-Darlain Relena_ForMin@ESUN.com  
To: Heero Yuy Badboy@a$$a$$in.com  
Subject: Letter  
You never write me any more.  
  
This upsets me.  
  
*sniffle, sniffle*  
I miss you . . . . . .   
well . . . I guess if you . . . don't . . . love me . . . anymore . . .  
  
*sob*  
  
I can . . . forgive you . . .  
  
*sob*  
  
I guess . . .  
I'm gonna miss you SO MUCH!  
  
I LOVE YOU!  
  
How could you just leave me hanging like this ?  
All the fun we've had? Everything we've been through? All the conversations and the plans?  
  
Did they mean NOTHING to you?!?!?!  
Well fine then . . .  
  
*sniffle, sniffle*  
I can handle it . . .  
  
You not caring . . .  
  
Not being there when I DESPERATELY NEED someone to be there . . . like you've always been . . .  
  
I won't be able to email you any more just to make sure your still alive . . . to be sure that I'm not the only one in the world left!  
  
TO BE SURE THAT I"M NOT COMPLETELY ALONE! LIKE I AM NOW!!!  
Fine . . .  
  
Just leave me . . .  
  
I'll just sit here . . . in physical pain that comes from your abrupt and sudden absence from my life . . .  
  
Oh, I'll move on . . . eventually . . . after I've had time to heal from your brutal cut off of our relationship . . .   
  
At least . . . what I THOUGHT was our relationship . . .  
  
Go . . .  
Leave me . . .  
All . . .  
Alone . . . .  
Here . . .  
in the dark ........ ....... .......  
All  
By  
My-  
SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
JUST ABANDON ME IF I MEAN THAT LITTLE TO YOU!  
I don't care anymore . . .  
  
I've come to realize that if you don't love me now . . . then you never did . . . and never will . . .  
I'll spend the rest of my days alone, you know . . .  
  
Thinking of you. . .  
  
And what we had . . . almost had . . . wanted, but never quite reached . . . never . . .   
I fooled myself, though . . .  
  
At was NEVER within our grasp!  
  
You never cared . . . about me . . . or yourself . . . or ANYONE!  
Just . . .  
Go . . .  
I'll be fine . . .  
Here . . .  
All alone . . .  
Yes, leave me be . . .  
I'm nothing to you . . .  
  
I'm not now, never was and never will be . . .  
But I don't care.  
  
I can feel myself growing numb.  
  
The pain, like waves crashing on my body, cold and salty and filled with sharp object. They are memories. Memories of what I thought we were.   
  
But weren't . . .  
The violent and ear-breaking sound of the rush of horrifying, lucid pain that comes and breaks me, that snaps me like a twig whenever I think of you or am reminded of you . . . it's growing softer . . .  
  
I'm getting . . . colder . . .  
I watch my wrists in the pale light reflecting from the screen and wonder . . .  
I can't send you a real letter . . . can't seal it with a kiss or write my name in blood. Can't perfume it or fill the envelope with dog shit.  
  
All I can give you is this email . . .  
  
This electronic machine that is trying to communicate my feelings to you . . . this cold heartless machine that can't comprehend what I'm trying to write to you . . .  
Your just like it . . .  
  
I can't explain anything to you because your just like this machine . . .  
  
Cold . . .  
  
Hateful . . .  
Silent . . .  
I hate it.  
I'm looking at your picture now . . .  
  
I'm wondering if . . .  
I'm wondering if you've even read this far. I'd like to think that you at least owe me that much . . .  
  
To read the entire letter . . .  
  
But I can't be sure . . .  
  
I can never be sure with you . . .  
  
The strange and ugly light from the computer reflects off the knife I laid next to it . . .  
  
I again, catch sight of my wrists . . .  
  
The undersides of my arms, so pale and white . . .  
  
They look like jewels . . .  
  
I could-  
I wonder . . .  
How does it feel to be cold?  
I feel myself grow numb but I still wonder . . .  
  
How does it feel to not exist?  
  
To always be there but to never, ever understand the emotion you see all around you . . .  
  
Hell, to never understand the emotion you feel yourself!  
Yes . . .   
Go . . .  
  
Leave me here . . .  
  
Writing this email has helped . . .  
It has . . .  
I know what to do now . . .  
You just go on not caring.  
  
You'll hear about it in the news and not care.  
  
you may be interested and watch the story, but you won't care.  
  
You can't.  
  
Because you can't feel.  
But I still wish that you-  
That I-  
I don't know . . .  
I'm so very upset . . .  
I just . . .  
Go . . .  
Leave me . . .  
I'll see you again . . .  
In hell . . . 


End file.
